I Tried The Serious Resume. Now I’ll Try This One.

Let me know what you think.

Casey (Mr. Awesome!) Hendrickson
————————
Las Vegas, NV 89149
(702) ——–
CaseyTheHost@Gmail.Com

Objective:
To methodically and efficiently secure the enslavement of the human species. If you don’t want to work in the mines, you’ll hire me.

Also willing to consider management position.

Key Skills:
Last Best Hope For Humanity
I achieved the highest possible rating in the Zombie Survival Quiz. If you’ve got zombies, I’ve got answers.

Member Of The Illuminati
I’m supposed to keep that part secret so you don’t know someone else is controlling me (it’s Karl Rove FYI), but their last two ‘hush money’ checks bounced. So what the hell!

Sith Lord
You can not comprehend the power of The Dark Side!

Effective Management Of Minions
No one can get the production I get out of them in the mines.

Hacker
I’m watching you read this resume right now.

Drag Racing
I am officially 147 – 0 in racing my Mustang against Priuses. Oh sorry … Prii.

Licensed Real Estate Agent
I can sell the house of the person I’m replacing, and get them the hell out of town.

Professional Experience:
PsyOps Officer – The Dark Side
August 2010 – December 2010 Fox News Radio KDOX,
Las Vegas, Nevada
Job Responsibility / Support the Empire by spreading the word of The Dark Side.
Achievement / 1,533,872 Rebel scum executed
Reason For Leaving / Terrorist attacks on Death Stars One and Two caused economic downturn.

Information Officer – Illuminati
March 2005 – May 2010 Newsradio 840 KXNT,
Las Vegas, Nevada
Job Responsibility / Do whatever my handler, Karl Rove, said.
Achievement / Women wanted me, men wanted to be me, kids were put to work in the camps.
Reason For Leaving / My EPICNESS was a clear threat to those around me.

Areas of Expertise:
Briefly describe your areas of expertise
All things EPIC AWESOMENESS! And I cook.

Profile Educational:
Date of Graduation / Too drunk to remember.
Degree / Currently 98 outside. That’s Fahrenheit, none of that Euro-Celsius crap.
School Name / I’m an adult. I’m done with school. I thought this was a professional gig.

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Posted on April 25, 2011, in Casey's Philosophy, Dumbassery, My Life. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on I Tried The Serious Resume. Now I’ll Try This One..

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